


You have to fall before you land

by sammybabycloseyoureyes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, god i wish this is what actually happened, sam is in here is you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:22:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21911419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammybabycloseyoureyes/pseuds/sammybabycloseyoureyes
Summary: Castiel left , and Dean doesn't realize how much he missed him until he actually was gone.orFixing what should have happened after 15x03
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 45





	You have to fall before you land

Wednesday , July 16th ,  
Heartly Motel and Cafe , Florida. 

It had been three months since Castiel had spit the words that have been in Dean's had ever since. After eleven years of being at each other's side , he couldn't believe he would just...leave. He remembers it in every detail. It's all that's been in his mind since. 

"Something always goes wrong Dean! It's what happens!" The angel had been standing in the main room of the bunker as he lashed his anger toward Dean. 

"And why does that something always have to be you?" Cas didn't hear what Dean meant by it. In his head , the older Winchester was confessing himself through anger , hiding everything he wanted to say in more harsh words. His eyes were grey as along with his heart as he watched Cas' gaze change to sadness. 

And then , there it was. The words that haunt Dean everytime he closed his eyes. 

"You and Sam have each other. I think it's time for me to move on." 

The words ripped through his chest like the hellhound back when he sold his soul. It was like the feeling of being dragged to hell all over again. Except it was worse , since he was being dragged by the very person who dragged him out. Dean wanted to grab him , apologize , hold him close and tell him he had to do all of it for the fact of learning what he knows now. The fact that he needed the angel in his life. Suddenly hell felt better than this. 

What made it worse was that they had just lost Rowena , and younger brother , Sam , wasn't taking it well at all. He was drowning them in case after case , not getting sleep worth a damn and just distracting himself with feeble vampires and angry old spirits. Most of the time , his brother wouldn't even speak. He would just put all his focus into a book or his laptop screen. 

Tonight though , the case they were working on was just a random raith. Not that Dean really was paying attention to it much. This is usually what he did though , to distract himself , so seeing Sam doing this made him think; was I actually like this? Sam was sitting at the small table their musty hotel room provided in the not so kitchen , kitchen , with his head in a book as hair drooped over his face covering the large bags and bloodshot eyes his face would reveal if he leaned up. 

"I'm going out." 

Sam's voice shot a tingle through Dean's body. It's the longest sentence he's said in hours. "Whe- alright." Dean stopped himself from asking , since he knew the only answer he would get would be Sam's backside and a slamming door. 

As his younger brother started the car outside and Dean heard the roar of the Impala roll out of the parking lot of the motel , he found himself alone in his thoughts again. Which he didn't want to be in at all , since all he saw was Castiel's sadness as he left the bunker feeling nothing besides the feeling of feeling alone. God why did he let him leave? 

Slamming himself down on one of the motels beds , Dean laid on his stomach as he tried not to let tears start to flow from his eyes. Man up. He thought as he rolled his head over to look at the neatly made bed Sam had slept last night in. Focusing his eyes on his pillow , he saw that it was ruffled like it had been rooted around on , and that there was a small lump under it. At first he would have thought it was a gun , which is what they usually will put under their beds , but this bump was way bigger. Dean reached across the area and lifted up the side of the pillow revealing that it was a tattered old leatherback Bible. 

Sam keeps a Bible? 

Dean knew his brother was quite religious , but after what all has happened , how could he go on worshiping God? The older Winchester was able to wrap his fingers around the small copy and pull it over to where he was laying , sitting up to look down at the hard leather on the front. 

He opened the front to a small flutter the other thin pages made. Staring down as he flipped through the book what he saw wasn't what he expected at all. What he saw was sticky notes everywhere , mainly in enochian , some in English. Circles in pen around sentences like; "and as the souls rose , the people looked to God and asked , why? , why would you leave us in a time of need?" The pen strokes looked so dark and drawn in anger that it should have ripped through the page. Highlighter was spread across the many thin pages , outlining names of angels and people he didn't recognize. Some of course he did , like the names of Lucifer and Gabriel the archangels. 

And the name of the angel he let slip from his hands. 

It pained him to read what was highlighted with Castiel’s name , but he had to. 

“And as the angel Castiel spread his wings; thou shall know.” 

It was like a wave of emotion hit him all at once , knocking the walls down that held him together. But it wasn’t sadness , it was anger. Bubbling up inside Dean like lava. Not being the usual person to calm down from something like this , he smashed the lamp nearest to him and threw the Bible , watching as paper flew out and it crinkled to floor. 

Not saying a word , he fell back down the the old motels bed , putting his hand on his neck , letting his eyes tear up until all he saw was a blur. A devastating cry leaving his lips. 

There’s never been a person to care about Dean so much besides his brother. Cas was the one who was there when he needed a person to lean on for something Sammy wouldnt understand. He never left him hanging. What the hell did he do in return? Leaving him feeling loveless. God , he was such an ass. Dean had convinced himself that he had to be to keep himself from Cas. But he never expected him to leave him. 

Dean put his face to his palms as he let out muttered crys , damping his hands. 

“Cas? Your ears on?” The prayer coming out more of a whimper than a sentence. “I know saying sorry will mean nothing to the things i’ve said..or done to you.” Dean gripped his hair in his fingers as he continued with what he thought would never be heard. “I just- you don’t understand , I needed to say those things...had to do those things..” Not being able to hold the floodgates any longer , he let his tears drench down his face and onto his shirt as he stared at the ugly motels wall in front of him. “I had to do all those things..or..” He clenched his eyes , not being able to finish his sentence before the wall turned tan as a flutter of wings filled his ears. 

This wasn’t the first time Dean had prayed to the angel , the first time was more of a threat to come back , and the second was just as the other one. But this one was different , it was a breakdown to the angel , and Cas didn’t expect it. 

Castiel had been sitting at a bar in Lebanon , not being able to fully leave their town yet. He was just ordering his third round as he heard Dean’s cries to him. It had been the first time Cas had ever heard Dean cry , and it was unsettling to the most. But as he listened to the prayer it brought his own eyes to gloss over as he heard the sadness in the human voice. 

As the bartender turned around to give him his glass , the angel was gone , only a flutter left of him. 

“C-Cas..?” The older Winchester couldn’t believe as he looked up and saw the angel that haunted his dreams at night was here for the first time in months. 

The dark haired angel discarded Dean’s surprise and asked , “Or what , Dean.?” 

It made Dean shiver hearing Castiel say his name in his deep voice. He got up off his bed as walked forward to the angel , and to his dismay , Cas backed away. “Cas…” Dean continued as he didn't let the motion rattle him too much , but that doesn’t mean that it didn't hurt seeing him back away like that. Dean shook his head as he knew that what was about to come out of his mouth would be something from a Hallmark movie. But it’s what he needed to say. Something that he should have said years ago. “Cas , you have a heart so big...it could crush this town… and maybe I took advantage of that...I knew I couldn't hold back forever. So I lied to myself , and was a total ass to keep myself from…” Dean paused , looking into the angel’s blue eyes as he watched the Winchester stutter his confession. 

“From what , Dean?” Cas repeated in the same way he did before.

Dean tried stepping forward again , and this time Cas let him be a little closer as he spoke , which helped him continue. 

“Dammit! From falling in love with you Cas!” Dean clenched his fists against his sides , digging his stubby nails in his palms causing burning to go up through his arms. But the pain from his fists was way less than the pain in his heart as he waited for Cas’ response. 

“Dean…” All Cas could do was stutter as his lips parted as he watched Dean look up at him with pleading eyes. Pleading him to feel the same. And the funny things was...that he did. He always has. He just waited for him to feel the same. A tear ran down the angels cheek and dropped to the floor , changing Dean’s hand positions to move a thumb across his face to remove the others that started to dribble down. 

“Oh God..Cas , I-I didn’t mean to make you upset...I-” 

“I love you too Dean.” The angels eyes shining with tears of happiness , tears made of the will to wait that all just fell to the floor. 

Dean broke , as Cas placed a hand on his that was on his cheek still. The Winchester was now crying more than he was before , whimpering out the sentence; “Y-You do..?” His eyebrows furrowing. 

The hand that was on Dean’s was now used to pull the Winchester to Cas’ face where their foreheads met each others. “Of course , Dean. I always have been.” Their eyes closer as their noses touched. This is the closest he’s ever been to Cas’ lips before , and he was going to take advantage of this , incase he would never be able to be this close again. ( Little did he know though , is that he would be a lot. ) 

“You have no idea how how happy I am to hear that.” Dean opened his eyes for a second to look into the angels crystal blue eyes and to move a hand to his neck and one to his back , only to pull his face down to kiss Castiel for the first time. He’d done it in dreams , and he tasted exactly how he thought he would. Their tears mixed and turned to liquid gold on the floor as all the tension was released at once. It pained the Winchester to have to pull away to breath , but it made it better to stare into Cas’ lovestruck eyes. It almost pleaded Dean to slip into a daze while kissing him again , but he couldn't , not here , not now , not knowing when Sam would be back and not wanting him to walk into something that could escalate. 

They stood there for a second , holding each other , and when Cas pulled away it was like somebody shot him , but he knew why he did. Sam had pulled up in the garage. Dean had panic in his eyes as he heard the keys being fumbled into the keyhole. The older Winchester nodded , indicating that he should fly off , and quickly. And with that , as Samuel opened the door , all he saw was his brother in the middle of the room with his hands wiping his eyes and a wide grin across his face. Which surprisingly , made Sam’s mood lighten seeing his brother looking all giddy. “You seem oftly happy then when I left.” 

“Oh , Sammy. You have no idea.” 

“Well are you gonna tell me about it?”

“We got Cas back.” His brother said , throwing up his arms and smiling even larger , which didn’t really seem possible. “What? We did?” Sam smiled , God , it felt so good to get this news. They lost so much. It’s great that one person they lost , ended up coming back. Seeing the slight blush on his older brothers face , Sam joked; “What’d you do to get him back?” He sat the stuff he had in his arms on the table , “Confess your love or something?” But as he turned back around saw the expression that Sam’s only seen a handful of times when Dean was trying to flirt with a girl he knew he couldn’t get with , or when another dude flirted with him..or uh- when he saw that one Doctor ...what was his name? Doctor Sexy. 

“Wait did you?!” 

“W-what?! No! I don’t love Cas!” 

“Dean be serious right now! Did you?” 

“Well uh- I may have-” 

It was like a huge rock had been lifted off his chest , his brother had finally done it. “Yes! Yes! I’m so proud of you.” Sam went forward to Dean and hugged him , nothing but pride in his embrace. 

And as Dean embraced him back , he knew he was right. 

“Did you kiss him?” 

“What?” , Dean’s cheeks flushed , and he looked away from Sam’s eyes. A trick that people use when they try to to be caught lying. 

“You did , didn’t you? 

“Shutup , Sam!” 

“Oh my God , Dean you did.” 

“If you go around telling people this , i’ll kill you , you hear?” 

Sam held his hands up , a smile on his face , and put a zipper around his mouth through the air. “Nobody.” 

Dean huffed down on his in the motel bed , “Can we maybe go home tomorrow?” 

Sam nodded from behind as he packed his bag up , “I wanted a big win before we returned.” He laughed , “That was a pretty big win.” 

They turned off the lamps as they were both in bed and it was almost 12am. And all he could hear before Dean closed his eyes to dream of Cas was , 

“Goodnight , Jerk. And congrats.” 

It was the happiest he’s seen Sam in weeks. It was a nice thing to go to sleep to.


End file.
